These Feelings
by SUP3RK1DD
Summary: RE-SUBMITTED ! This story tells about how innocent girls don't always get what they want. Told in Sakura's P.O.V. One Shot.


**Author's note:** This story is from a different approach. It's more of a reality kind of story because this did happen to a friend of mine. I just wanted to make a new story in a different genre, so I hope you will like it. :)

P.S: Everything is in Sakura's P.O.V.

**Disclaimer:** Card captor Sakura does not belong to me. It was made by its creators; CLAMP.

**These Feelings**

By: SUP3RK1DD

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Ever since we were little kids, we were like best friends. I remember when we first met which was when we were five years old. His name was Syaoran and we had met at a party. I remember us playing tag, playing with the soccer ball and having our two other good friends Tomoyo and Eriol by our side. We were four best friends from the very beginning. Those were good times. But sadly, we had gone our separate ways because we all went to different elementary and middle schools. That was a big change for the four of us, but we had reunited in high school.

I remember the first day of high school like it was yesterday. Tomoyo was the first of the three that I had actually recognized. We were really happy when we reunited and we instantly became best friends once again. The second person that we had reunited was Eriol, who was the funny, smart one. He was really special to Tomoyo because she had admitted that she had liked him in the past – and currently liked him – when we were little kids. And finally, we had reunited with Syaoran. He was the cool funny one and he looked way cuter than ever. The four of us were very blissful and promised to stay best friends just like before. We even made a secret handshake that only the four of us knew about. I was really excited that we were all friends and because I was the clueless one, I actually believed that lie of being friends forever. In the end, love did not concur all.

Tomoyo and Eriol had gone their separate ways because Eriol had asked Tomoyo out during the beginning of the school year. Syaoran and I thought that their relationship was really sweet because they were childhood sweethearts. When they were gone off in their own world, Syaoran and I were left behind. We didn't mind because we had caught up with the past and we practically talked about everything. We were getting along so well and Syaoran surprisingly asked me out, at a party. I said yes to be his girlfriend, and that's when our relationship started.

The relationship that Syaoran and I shared was _magical_. It was the best relationship that I have ever been in. The reason why was because we knew everything about each other and it was like starting from the 15th date. We shared our time together everyday. We kissed, hugged, and smiled. I loved the way that Syaoran smiled. It was the most beautiful sight ever – in my eyes. I also loved the way he gave his hugs and kisses. They were really romantic and warm. Basically, I loved everything about him and he loved everything about me. We were so perfect for each other. But that all ended when Syaoran started to act odd and became distance from me.

He didn't call me daily, we rarely hung out anymore and he became secretive. I didn't like the 'new' Syaoran and I constantly wondered what was wrong. I always thought that I became 'boring' to him or there was something about me that Syaoran didn't like anymore. He assured me that it wasn't me and he was just going through some things. I knew something was wrong so I asked him everyday and told him that I would respect and not laugh at whatever was bothering him. Finally, Syaoran came clean and told me that he was taking drugs and he started to become addicted to them.

It came as a shock to me. So many questions entered my head at the moment he told me about him taking drugs. _Why are you taking drugs? Where are you getting the drugs? What type of drugs are you taking? You do know that drugs can kill you if you overdose on them, right? _I felt frightened, concerned and sick.

I wasn't sure what kind of drugs he was taking or why he was taking it, but I knew they had an effect on him because of the way that his attitude had changed. At least Syaoran was confident to trust me and tell me because he had told me that he was taking drugs. Of course, I did not approve of it and being a good girlfriend, I had asked him questions of why he was taking them. He said it didn't matter, and all that mattered was that he was taking them. The minute he started to use the drugs, it didn't make me feel like a good girlfriend to him because it seemed that I had 'approved' of it.

The changes really started when we would hang out together. He would be distance and not talk. He would just swagger and stare ahead. I didn't like the change in him but I knew he was still the same old Syaoran at heart. But this became a dramatic change when the drug had fully affected him. He wouldn't smile, or hug me or even give kisses to me. He stopped calling me and whenever I would call him, he would always say he was busy. Even his appearance had changed. No longer was he baby cute but he was always pale and looked tired. He had bangs under his eyes, he couldn't walk properly anymore and he quit his sports. He always had to go home in a hurry, probably to meet up with his 'friends'. He was just another guy and he was changing for the worst. This is when I knew I had to have a talk with him.

I asked him kindly to stop taking drugs. Syaoran had looked at me curiously and asked why. Feeling in power, I had told him of all the changes and bad things about how he was not acting normal. Being a drug-taking person, he had responded with a simple 'Leave me alone' statement. I knew then that he wasn't the same Syaoran. He was the Syaoran with rude attitude. I had to ask him the question before he was gone forever from my life.

"Syaoran, I don't like this change so I'm going to ask you, do you choose drugs over your girlfriend? Or your girlfriend over drugs?"

**He had chosen drugs.**

From that moment, I knew that we had broken up and the worst thing was it was the day right before my birthday. And the moment that we had broken up, I was a wreck. I didn't eat properly, I cried myself to sleep, and I blamed myself for everything and for falling in love. I regretted falling in love with him because now we don't even talk. It would be too awkward between us. Our childhood friendship was gone. We were like strangers. We would avoid each other at school, in the hallways, in the classrooms; everywhere.

But being the caring one, I had tried to talk with him at school and whenever I would see him. He wouldn't even look at me when I attempted to talk to him. He would look away when I talked. He didn't even say 'hi' to me after a few weeks. It was like I was a pathetic loser trying to get his attention. I didn't know if he had a girlfriend and it seemed that he had moved on. But I know that I didn't move on. I was so worried that he was addicted to the drug and I didn't want him to get hurt. And for weeks, I would be comforted by only one song.

_I thought sometime alone  
was what we really needed  
you said this time would hurt more than it helps  
but I couldn't see that  
I thought it was the end  
of a beautiful story  
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)  
and I tried to find  
out if this one thing is true  
that I'm nothing without you  
I know better now  
and I've had a change of heart_

_I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else   
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself   
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart   
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart  
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah_

_And then I met someone  
and thought she could replace you  
we got a long just fine  
we wasted time because she was not you  
we had a lot of fun  
though we knew we were faking  
love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies  
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true  
that I'm nothing without you  
I know better now  
and I've had a change of heart_

_I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else   
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself   
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart   
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart  
who holds my heart_

_I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,  
I can only prove the things I say with time,  
please be mine,_

_I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,  
than good times with someone else (I know)  
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),  
than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)  
I'd rather have hard times together,  
than to have it easy apart  
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)_

_I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),  
than good times with someone else (surely)  
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),  
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)  
I'd rather have hard times together,  
than to have it easy apart (you know it)  
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart_

_I'd rather have the one who holds my heart  
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart  
whoooo...who holds my heart_

This song had really comforted me because I did give Syaoran time to stop taking drugs and to realize that I was important to him. I was nice to him, but he didn't treat me the same in return. I was nothing without him, and I'd rather have bad times with him, than good times with someone else. I would rather have the one who holds my heart. But I can't blame him for choosing what his heart desires. This just shows that I really care for him. I know it sounds like I'm a loser but if I couldn't get his love; I wanted to at least be friends again. Best friends.

And of course Tomoyo and Eriol were there for me when Syaoran and I broke up but they were off in their own little world because they were now lovers in love. They hadn't broken up and they loved each other so much. The sight of them hugging or kissing made me sick. They had it so easy and they didn't get rejected by drugs. I hated these feelings inside of me. They were eager to have Syaoran back. I wanted to feel him, hug him, hold him, kiss him, smile with him, laugh with him and be with him. I want to have him by my side. But sadly, that won't happen.

My story with the relationship with Syaoran goes to show that innocent girls don't always get what they want. They don't always get it easy and they don't have a 'short cut' in life. These feelings in my heart have shown me that I still want Syaoran after three months of our break-up. But now, I'm just another girl to him.

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**Author's Note: **This is a true story and I wanted to share this story with all of you. I hope you all liked it and please review. Thank you.

- SUP3RK1DD :D


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